Better Than Private

Lying here on the sofa recuperating after minor surgery yesterday. I've had a perforated eardrum for as many years as I can remember, but my hearing has recently take a small (but clinically measureable) turn south. One to one conversations are fine, but I've noticed a bit more of a struggle in crowded environments - especially isolating the urbane and witty conversations of my friends and family against background chatter. So, I find sometimes that I just give up and let the conversation happen around me: which is OK in a pub or restaurant.

But not really in a classroom when I'm a teacher.

So I approached my GP, got referred to an ENT consultant and was offered/advised to undergo a myringoplasty - a "closure of the pars tensa of the tympanic membrane" (thanks Wikipedia). I had a failed attempt at this very procedure when I was 22 and in 1985 the whole event took a calendar week in Glasgow's Gartnavel General Hospital.

Now, in 2017, admission to discharge was precisely 7 hours and 30 minutes in the New Victoria Hospital. The day went like this:

8:00am : Having arrived early and sitting in the waiting room among approximately 40 other day surgery patients, a team of nurses appeared right on-time and called patient names to go to their respective wards.

8:20am : Discussion with consultant anaesthetist. Risks clearly explained. Fantastic people skills - put me totally at ease.

8:30am : Discussion with surgeon. Reiterates procedure. Answers stupid patient-questions. Again, excellent people skills.

8:40am : Most importantly, in the absence of any mobile data network, ward-nurse issues patient-wifi password. Wifi is reliable. Doesn't drop out once.

8:50am : Advised I am second in the queue for theatre. Probably in just over an hour.

10:00am (I checked) : Invited to proceed to theatre. General anaesthetic administered.

12:00pm (I didn't check) : Return to ward and doze for a couple of hours.

2:20pm : Offered sandwiches, biscuits and proper in-a-mug tea.

3:30pm : Discharged, with prescription painkillers.

This is where I start to compare and contrast a modern NHS hospital with a similar private hospital (of which I've had experience twice in the past five years). While not quite "chalk and cheese", the NHS experience was noticeably better. Beautiful modern building, bright, spotless, clean, efficient compared with a well-known Glasgow private hospital which - while ostensibly clean - was dark, dog-eared and claustrophobic.

Staff, everyone from reception-guy at the main entrance through clerical staff, nurses and consultants were brilliant. Enthusiastic, engaged, keen to help. But more importantly they were as keen to help every patient there - from the well-off to the less well-off. I'm relatively financially comfortable, but it's reassuring to know that if I wasn't, I'd still get the same awesome care.

My assigned nurse - keen to chat as most nurses are - was interested in my story about previously "going private". I had a poor experience, with my surgeon going away climbing for the weekend and being incommunicado at the precise moment my surgical stitches failed. Presenting at the hospital, I was met with an unwillingness to deal with the problem. It felt like nobody wanted to "mow the lawn" of a colleague.

I haven't had private healthcare for a couple of years now, and yesterday re-affirmed my view that it's a big fat waste of money. I was treated in a wonderful, modern, well-equipped facility by wonderful staff. I was operated on swiftly and effectively; fed and watered well and discharged with prescription medication. I have 24-hour telephone support in the event of any post-operative problems. For my American friends and family : I was presented with no bill.

The nurse in question - almost apologetically - offered the opinion that "I think we're as good as private".

I offered mine - "I disagree. You are miles better".

A Fate Worse Than Brexit

We seem to be entering peak-madness with brexit. Chlorinated chicken for pity's sake - a process deemed fine in the US and yet outlawed in the the EU might soon be coming to an ASDA shelf near you. An icon of buffoonery, a simple picture of the lunacy that we're inflicting on ourselves. The more of these icons the better though - voters seem to be incapable of dealing with rational arguments, so the more of these daft wee images of doom we get, maybe the more likely we are to abort the whole mission. 

Maybe. 

The problem is that human beings are useless at admitting that they may have made a mistake; and that is where the real problem lies. Where does a brexiteer go when they realise - in their heart of hearts - that it's a mistake of gargantuan proportions? "Oh well, if I'd *known* how complex/damaging/isolating it was going to be, I'd never have voted Leave". 

And there is your problem - there are no unknowns. No new revelations upon which a brexiteer can pin his/her hat. We were told how damaging it was going to be - and 48% of us believed it. But what possible intellectually valid reason can a brexiteer now give for 'fessing up and accepting Remain were right? In order to do this, you'd have to openly admit that, in full possession of the evidence and arguments, you made a horrible mistake. And *that* is the problem. Human beings are shite at admitting that. 

If you've ever debated a Leave voter, you'll probably have been given the argument about "getting to make our own laws without them being handed down by undemocratic bureaucrats in Brussels" nonsense. I mean, that's it. *That's* what you get when you challenge a Leave voter to give an example benefit of leaving the EU. An argument so thin it can be answered by ".... but what about the Financial Transaction Tax that we vetoed, you total ballbag?" 

They must know. They must know it's a mistake. Some people are that stupid - but 17 million? 

I suspect there are huge swathes of Leave voters who now, finally, get it but are faced with the hideous choice of brexit or public embarrassment. 

I also suspect there are sufficient numbers who - chillingly - find the latter to be the unbearable option. 

So perhaps Parliament will have to go against The Will Of The People in order to reflect the will of the people. I suspect many brexiteers do actually want this. It would allow them to continue to whinge about the EU without having to endure the impending catastrophe.

And without having to admit they were wrong. 

The Most Powerful Woman In Europe

Does Kezia Dugdale realise she's the most powerful woman in Europe at the moment? I say "woman" - perhaps that's patronising. Maybe "politician" would be more apt.

But let's go with the gender limitation for the time being. Who are the key women power-brokers in Europe just now? Teresa May; Nicola Sturgeon; that vile fascist bastard in France; Angela Merkel; all of 'em can lay a claim to the title. But they all have to operate within very well-defined parameters. There's little any one of them can do except inch forward along their chosen paths, with the knowledge that their destiny isn't entirely in their own hands.

Sturgeon could call Indyref2 - but we know it's not looking likely to deliver a Yes vote at the moment. May needs to keep ploughing on with Mental-Brexit in the hope that things go so utterly tits-up that English opinion polls start to indicate nervousness within that unpleasant little-Britain community that will - ultimately - get irresistibly queasy at the the thought of economic penury and decide to pinch their noses and thole the idea of living alongside "furriners" when they realise *someone* has to pay their pensions.

Dugdale could - with a single press conference - change the entire European dynamic.

"Ladies and gentleman, I sit before you all this morning having experienced a Damascene moment. The Tory party's insane drive towards a hard Brexit, coupled with the clear desire of the Scottish people to remain within the EU or - at the very least - the single market has led me to the view that I can no longer support Scotland remaining within the United Kingdom. For too long the SNP has occupied a position of unassailable power within the Scottish Parliament - that situation can no longer be permitted to continue. I have become convinced of Scotland's ability to become an independent nation within the European Union - and also convinced that independence is an inevitable consequence of the Tories' insane drive to dislocate themselves from one of the biggest political and economic alliances in the world.

I am today committing Scottish Labour to the cause of Scottish Independence and to campaign vigourously against the dismal record of the SNP."

Can you imagine the degree to which Sturgeon and May would crap themselves?

Nicola Sturgeon would experience an entire division of tanks on her lawn. No longer assured of a majority at Holyrood, and no longer assured of being First Minister when Independence finally happens. There is massive legacy support for Labour in Scotland, but nobody knows what they're for any more. Committing - albeit tardily - to Independence will bring massive support back in to the Labour fold. Like UKIP in England, Scottish Labour has the ability to influence where the fulcrum of the political landscape sits. Scottish Labour supporting Independence would result in the dam being breached and overwhelming support for Indyref2 cascading through.

Teresa May would immediately recognise that the Union is holed below the waterline and that whatever oil-revenues may crystallise upon a recovery of the global oil-price, they ain't heading into rUK coffers. The possibility of Canary Wharf's population heading Edinburgh-wards to retain an English-speaking EU headquarters would - I submit - be likely to turn her bowels to ice-water.

Is there any other politician in Europe who could so easily - and massively - change the entire dynamic of the European political landscape?

Kezia Dugdale - your time has come.